Healthy = Mind and Body are Well

Two years ago at the Valentine’s day, I was diagnosed as having ectopic pregnancy. Instead of going to the fancy dinner J booked for us, he had to come to the hospital ER section to calm me from losing my patient as I didn’t want to wait till the doctor gave me a type of chemo medicine to get rid of the embryo. In the end, the procedure was done, I was discharged and we went to a restaurant nearby at 10pm to get some food as neither of us eat and I was kept in the ER since 3pm.

I never talked to any body in details about this. And J and I seldom talk about this either. The first time I need to bring it up was with Dr. Yang about 10 months ago. I cried like I lost a baby. I was rationalized and I even force myself to be reasonable, be calm, be logical - it is not a baby, it is not live, it needs to be treated right away. So I boxed up my emotion and couldn’t see my mind clearly, and tried to forget everything that happened - the happy moment I found out I was pregnant, I was jumping up and down, and then I dreamt about the baby and felt that special connection, later I couldn’t connect again and it made me wonder what is going on, then the bleeding made me nervous, and when they said it was implanted in the Fallopian tube, I kept thinking how to get it back to the right place. All those memories are too painful. But those are the memories that belong to this special baby that we didn’t have fortune to meet. And those still matter to me.

I was devastating from that unsuccessful pregnancy and got so sad and depressed until Kiki’s pregnancy was confirmed half a year later. The sadness/depression was a blow to my health. I know now to be healthy, not only the physical health is important, but also we need to take care of our own emotions and minds.