Gaining emotion strength doesn't mean you need to act tough at all. It also doesn't mean you cut off how you feel or ignore what you feel. On the contrary, it requires you to be more in tune with your feelings, your thoughts, and know what is the best action to handle them.
I am naturally an emotional person so I have studied and trained myself to gain emotional/mental strength. I would like my boys to be able to master their emotions as well.
First thing is to understand what emotional strength is. I used to have the wrong picture as I thought being strong should mean I can control my emotions, not to get upset, not to be sad, not to cry. Portrayals in popular culture doesn’t help as the Hollywood Movies/TV shows have emotionally strong people as quiet, stoic tough guys who never show emotional expressions during crises. They have all these calm looks, not showing any emotion twist and only silently staring into the horizon in those dramatic scenes. Any signs of emotional break out, like expressing emotional distress in any way and for guys with tears, is often viewed as emotionally weak or can’t handle stresses.
Those are SO WRONG! It mislead me a long time in searching how to master my emotions, how to be centered, how to be at peace with myself. Emotional strength has little to do with any momentary reaction. We can only access it over time. It is really not about how we respond in any given moment but our ability to deal with challenges and bounce back from them in a longer time frame.
I have judged myself incorrectly in exactly such scenarios. I often react emotionally or tearfully, but I am not "weak," as I intend to persist and move forward, and I am a dreamer to believe I will eventually succeed. I learn to embrace my feelings/emotions and welcome my tears, as those are healthy ways to release the energy in my body. To think about this, the way we live is to experience. It is actually unhealthy we force ourselves not to experience the emotions naturally arise within us. The more I study and research, the more I find the masters would encourage people to feel, to experience, WITHOUT any judgment. Those are thoughts and feelings going in and out like tides. After we accept them, we can clearly see beyond them and understand what we really want to do with the situation.
If you learn to stay in touch with your emotions, accept them and let them go without judgment, it will help you to regulate your thoughts, cope with your emotions, and behave the reasonable way.
There are moments scary dark thoughts come in my mind after I know I have breast cancer. But I learn to cope with them, I can train my brain to think in a more helpful manner. Also after understanding emotional strength, I have less self-doubt and have more self-compassion. I think it is very important for my boys to learn that too.
I didn’t like how I was emotional because how they influenced me to behave, I don’t like yelling, getting mad, being sad. But after being aware of my emotions, it really allows me to understand how those feelings (esp. the “uncomfortable” ones) influence I think and behave. And after embracing them, I am able to let those emotions go and not behave under their influence.
Choosing to take action while not under the influences of those uncomfortable emotions has helped me so much improve my life. I am not perfect all the time, I am still learning, practicing, and I hope my boys will keep practicing mastering emotional strength in their lives.
