Recently we are doing “potty training” with Caius. And I hope in my future time being a mom I would always remember the lesson I learned from it.
Brief history of our potty training experience - Per Jia’s push, we tried last year Thanks Giving break when KK was two years and two months. My coworker told me it is too soon as he is a boy and should be done around when he is three years old. The result of that trial was it worked during the break but didn’t work when he goes back to Day Care. So the teacher said no matter how they tried to get KK to the toilet, he refused and almost got frustrated and cried. So they advised we waited when he could do it at the school.
Half year passed by and he could do pull up diaper and went to toilet in school in April this year but then in May Kiki was born. He then had a drawback and went back to diaper. At the middle of June he was encouraged back to pull up. And occasionally we did encourage him at home. And the whole week last week he stayed dry and had no accident at school. So we happily put him on underwear (I bought underwear his favorite subject of now - Cars by Disney) per his request on Sunday. He stayed dry at home but didn’t poo poo. On Monday he also stayed dry in day care.
But the minute he came home, he peed on the floor. Looking at him playing with the pee on the floor and also not listening to me to stop, I lost it - I didn’t yell. But I was dead serious in preaching him - he needs to tell us as he could do it in school why can’t he do it at home. He would need to stay in diaper if he can’t tell us. So in the end he asked for diaper. The following morning he refused to put on underwear or pull up and asked for diaper only. When J asked him whether he is afraid of having accident, he said yes. So J woke me up and asked whether it is ok for him to have accident. Realizing that evening I had made a huge mistake, I am so glad J provide me a chance to amend it - I said ok and apologize to KK about my mistake last night. He didn’t want to be held by me or look me in the eye, which really broke my heart. After 20 minutes talking and re-affirming it is totally perfectly alright to have accident, he reluctantly put on pull up. And 20 minutes later, dropping him off at day care, I got a hug and a kiss.
Looking back, how silly I am - why should I ask my not even 3 old year old son to be responsible of remembering to go to toilet when I forget to ask him whether he needs to. I was being so unfair to him blaming him for my own mistake. I remembered one quote from Screamfree Parenting “Parenting is not about children, it is about parents. It is not you, it is me.” I think I can totally consent to it after this incident.
From today on, I wish I remember this forever and may I never reflect my own disappointment to myself on my kids. I am not perfect, and neither do they need to be.
