Breast Cancer Update 2/22- Emotions

The most difficult thing is to handle the emotions. Not mention I am an emotional person deep down and also pregnant. It is very emotionally overwhelming to deal with cancer and the emotions it brings.

At home both Jia and Caius are sick (luckily I still have in-laws to help out) and at work it was very busy. So it helped to take my minds away from the BC issues. However when it is quiet at night, the sadness, the fear, the unwelcome thoughts, they will come. 

When I was tucking Caius to bed, I was wondering if I am gone, who would tuck him in like the way I did, who would sing the silly made up songs like I did, who would love him as much as I did. It was so sad and I just sad there and cried silently. 

I know logically the survival rate is high. But who can tell me for sure I will there when they are 5? they are 10? they are 15? I know the best way is to stay positive. 

Then I remember my own training to deal with the unpleasant feelings - they are like waves, they will come. The best way to deal with them is to be present, be aware, accept with no judgment, let them flow by as after 90 seconds, they will go away. Yes, they will come again but for now, bye bye, fear. Bye bye, sadness. Next time you come, I will be here, be ready, be aware, I will accept you with no judgment, I will go on the ride with you for 90 seconds and then you will go away.

I will be calm, centered and at peace.